"A thief or thieves ate a piece of chocolate cake"

Some writers get all the fun: Allan Guthrie and Denise Mina in Trinidad and Tobago. It's a hard life. Although, if you prefer, you could just relax at home with a tribute to Ian Rankin - the Rebus Rob Roy cocktail. Although...whisky, cherry liqueur, martini and lager? When I was five and my parents had a New Year's Eve party, I apparently got up early on New Year's Day, quietly went downstairs to a scene of apocalyptic devastation, ate a few soggy crisps and dried out cheese, pineapple and pickled onion on sticks and poured a few dregs into a glass and downed them. I think I invented the Rebus Rob Roy over 45 years ago. I felt awfully sick. But that might have been the cheese, pineapple and pickled onions. /anyway, I wonder if Ian drank a Rebus Rob Roy in honour of Bonham's auction of THE FLOOD. And I wonder how much it ended up going for.

And, talking about crime fiction authors in exciting places, Alexander McCall Smith goes to the opening of a meerkat enclosure.  And a night out with Irvine Welsh and the Jesus and Mary Chain.

Charles Cumming on the cost of train tickets to Scotland for Edinburgh Spy Week.And on spying and writing.

Louise Welsh talks about all sorts of things, including the first in her dystopian crime thriller trilogy A LOVELY WAY TO BURN. And more from Louise here.And a review in the Independent.

More reviews - this time for Val McDermid's re-working of NORTHANGER ABBEY.And another one from girlwitherheadinabook.

Caro Ramsay on inventing an island.

Finally, man hijacks plane with a Toblerone. About as much use as a chocolate sword. And, in other sweet-toothed crime, methinks drugs were involved somewhere along the line.

Enjoy your Easter eggs, dear Reader.

Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you etc etc?

We've been finalising the programme for Crimefest in the last couple of weeks. So my job - trying to sort out panels for around 140 authors - is done. Panel assignments have mostly been sent to moderators and panellists, and now I just have to fine tune following the inevitable "Sorry, I can't make that date" e-mails. It's a great division of labour amongst the three co-hosts. Adrian does all the hard work, Myles is the technical genius, and I get the fun. The programme will soon be up online here. Looking forward to seeing some of you there!

Talking of programmes, the schedule for Glasgow's Aye Write is now available. Lots of good crime fiction related stuff, including a tribute to Iain Banks, Watching The Detectives: Serial Crime with Denise Mina, Sophie Hannah and Alex Gray, (Sophie Hannah also has an event called The Poetry of Sex which looks really good - her poetry is great fun and what's not to love about sex? Errrr...not sure that came out right...). Allan Massie and David Ashton talk about historical crime and Christopher Brookmyre pairs up with Barry Phillips in an event to talk about - amongst other things I'm sure - his science fiction thriller BEDLAM (if you go, do ask him about the roast chicken/Borders bookshop story). William McIlvanney, the Godfather of Tartan Noir will be speaking, and Stuart MacBride and Gordon Ferris have an event called Dark, Dark Noir. Louise Welsh talks about her new book A LOVELY WAY TO BURN, a thriller set in a dystopian future, and the first in a trilogy and Val McDermid is in conversation with comedian Susan Calman in what is sure to be a fun event. And I'm not sure if this is a crime novel or not, but Natalie Haynes will be talking about her new novel THE AMBER FURY, which sounds brilliant.

And, finally, an event about the fabulous 21 Revolutions book from Glasgow Women's Library.  I'm really excited to have a story in this gorgeous book, alongside such luminaries as Karen Campbell, Helen Fitzgerald, Zoe Strachan, Louise Welsh, Denise Mina, Laura Marney, A L Kennedy, Anne Donovan...The list of gloriousness is endless. Plus me. Unusually for me, mine is not a crime story, but a story about a suffragette on hunger strike in Glasgow's Duke Street prison. You can hear it here if remotely interested.

And now the non-festival news. Firstly, the ideal gift for the Sherlock Holmes fan in your life.And an article on Conan Doyle in fact and fiction. Mystery File reviews John Buchan's THE THREE HOSTAGES, and a review of Alexander McCall Smith's THE MINOR ADJUSTMENT BEAUTY SALON, who is also introducing Precious Ramotswe to younger readers.

A couple of nominations for Irvine Welsh's FILTH at the Empire film awards.

And, finally, I love the bloke's reaction to being arrested. 

"Wig hat jack knife, Out on bail for life"

Happy International Women's Day with The Cramps' DAMES, BOOZE, CHAINS AND BOOTS.

Nice prizes for the Bloody Scotland short story competition, and Scottish crime fiction authors provide some short story advice.

Crime Fiction Lover reviews Doug Johnstone's HIT AND RUN, Tricky Nag reviews several Alexander McCall Smiths, while Cozy Library reviews just the one. And a review of Josephine Tey's THE FRANCHISE AFFAIR.

Is the Edinburgh Guide calling Ian Rankin a twit? See Ian in Lochgelly on May 30th. And Mysteries in Paradise reviews the audio version of WITCH HUNT.

Val McDermid on the intellectual property issue, and the value of publishers. And a review of Val's stage play.

And, talking of stage plays, Ian Pattison has written a play about my least favourite politician (and there are plenty of candidates to choose from).

See youse after the weekend. Busy weekend (did I mention I'm in a play, gawd help us?) and then it's off to see the brilliant Killing Joke on Monday.

"Got the shim sham shimmy rushin' up my spine"

I cannot find Super Goo on youtube, but that's where today's Cramps lyrics come from.

I had a lovely,but very busy, weekend. I was on a training course for facilitators of workshops for creative writing for health and wellbeing. It was such good fun, I met some lovely people and it's really going to be helpful for my university placement. As a result, however, I'm even more behind than normal. Oh dear.

Some of the UK's literary festivals are featured here. But it's not a full round-up, by any means.

The World According To Who? reviews Val McDermid's FEVER OF THE BONE, Martin Stanley thoroughly recommends Ray Banks' GUN, Grecian Urn looks at Kate Atkinson's CASE HISTORIES, The Star Online enjoys Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD and Eva Hudson reviews Denise Mina's THE END OF THE WASP SEASON.

Are women writers taken seriously?

The Daily Record talks to William McIlvanney.

Quintin Jardine on Scottish independence. He's...errrrrrr...not particularly keen on politicians.

Alexander McCall Smith will be at the Wivenhoe Bookshop this Thursday. And he's interviewed by the New Zealand Herald.

"Well I don't know about art, but I know what I like"

My all time favourite Cramps song. I taught my Mum to do the Chicken Strut to this one. Ah, my lost youth as part of the psychobilly wrecking crew... Talking of my mother, I am a tad worried she has discovered the internet (which she calls That Microwave). I received an e-mail today which said, in part: "Dear Ms Moore, I have just finished Old Dogs. It really made me laugh, apart from the bad language." Whoops, sorry 'C'.

Look at this smashing line-up for Bloody Scotland. Sign up for the newsletter for all the latest news.

Some Blasted Heath news, with signing of new author Anonymous 9 (aka Elaine Ash), a guest post from the recently signed H J Hampson. Oh, and Len Wanner's most excellent THE CRIME INTERVIEWS: VOLUME 1 is available for £1.99 in the UK and $3.16 in the US.

An audio review of Denise Mina's THE END OF THE WASP SEASON, a review of Catriona McPherson's AFTER THE ARMISTICE BALL. Publisher's Weekly reviews Philip Kerr's PRAGUE FATALE. And a few reviews for Doug Johnstone's new one, HIT AND RUN. I'm looking forward to it myself. As soon as I stop writing essays.

Ian Rankin chooses his New Elizabethan on BBC Radio 4's Front Row.

A wee rant about Ryanair from Quintin Jardine.

Helen Fitzgerald is looking for your thoughts on adaptations (and do check out the wee video promo for The Donor below the adaptations post - very funny).

Alexander McCall Smith on bringing people back to reading.

The Week talks about the various incarnations of Sherlock Holmes.

Irvine Welsh's ECSTASY premieres at the Glasgow Film Festival.

Savidge Reads blog gives Val McDermid a grilling.

"You gotta beat it with a stick"

Your weekly Cramps with Garbageman.

Rob Kitchin reviews Philip Kerr's PRAGUE FATALE over at The View From The Blue House, Karen at Eurocrime says that Alexander McCall Smith's PRECIOUS AND THE MONKEYS is a delightful book and Maxine at Petrona calls Peter May's THE LEWIS MAN "a readable mystery with a tragic core".

Val McDermid celebrates her 25th book. Congratulations Val.

Lucy Liu to play Sherlock Holmes' sidekick John...errrrrr...Joan Watson.

Iain Banks at the Hexham Book Festival.

Lots of upcoming events for Alex Gray as she launches her new book A POUND OF FLESH. And both Alex and Caro Ramsay will be at the Lit Up Festival in Renfrewshire at the end of March.

Ian Rankin and Doug Johnstone's Twitter chat is quoted in the Independent.

Why I Really Like This Book features Josephine Tey's MISS PYM DISPOSES.

An excellent and funny article by Anthony Horowitz on whether authors still need publishers.

And, finally, 9 foreign words the English language really needs (hat tip to the lovely Steve Mosby). I must admit, I rather like Pilkkunnussja. I would add a 10th word - one that I was told when I was in Alaska - Slaqtaaq.

"Baby baby baby, you've got good taste"

Pre-weekend Cramps.

Books4Spain talks to Quintin Jardine.

BCF reviews Stuart MacBride's BIRTHDAYS FOR THE DEAD, Random Writings reviews Philip Kerr's FIELD GRAY, Fresh Meat looks at M C Beaton's DEATH OF A KINGFISHER, Crime Pieces reviews Peter May's THE BLACK HOUSE, and Page Turners reviews Alexander McCall Smith's THE SUNDAY PHILOSOPHY CLUB.

Talking of Alexander McCall Smith, his 44 SCOTLAND STREET will be on BBC4 Radio 4 from Monday 30th April.

More on the Margins Book and Music Festival.

Len Wanner at The Crime of It All interviews Paul Johnston. And an interview with Bill Kirton.

Win a copy of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION courtesy of the lovely people at Crimespree Magazine.

Finally, the museum on which I based the one in OLD DOGS had a bronze head stolen. How do you sneak out of a museum with a bronze head that's approximately a foot square and weighing 13kilos? I know the price of scrap metal is on the increase, but I work that out to be roughly £40.

"I'm the maddest road rattler that you ever done met"

Title courtesy of The Cramps, as usual.

This weekend's cinematic viewing was Martha Marcy May Marlene which was a very creepy and unsettling film about a girl who escapes from a cult. Her experience is shown in an understated way through flashbacks. John Hawkes is fantastic as the charismatic and chilling Manson-like cult-leader Patrick (he also played the scary Uncle Teardrop in Winter's Bone) who renames all his female acolytes in a very simple but effective way of showing who's in control.

Paul Johnston is interviewed over at The Crime of It All.

Russel McLean teams up with ShortbreadStories to help the Million For a Morgue campaign.

Crime Pieces reviews Peter May's THE BLACK HOUSE, The World According To Who reviews Ian Rankin's DOORS OPEN, Eurocrime reviews Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION and Music And More reviews Ray Banks' WOLF TICKETS.

Ian Rankin says that authors need publishers.

A Val McDermid short story takes to the stage. And Val herself will be appearing at the Scarborough Literature Festival in April.

Another Festival - this one in July in King's Lynn and featuring Philip Kerr. And Stuart MacBride will be talking about BIRTHDAYS FOR THE DEAD in Perth on March 13th.

Declan Burke talks to Allan Guthrie, amongst others, on ebook pricing.

"Wiggle your ears to get into the groove"

Have a wee Zombie Dance with The Cramps.

Panels for Crimefest are now up.

Alexander McCall Smith at the Oundle Literary Festival at the beginning of March, and in Buffalo, NY in April. Closer to home, Iain Banks is appearing in Edinburgh at the beginning of April. And Helen Fitzgerald is all over the place, the lucky minx. Sadly, I shall miss her Glasgow event by two days, and her Berlin event by two months. Luckily, I get to quiz her at Crimefest, along with Douglas Lindsay, Michael Malone and Damien Seaman. And Christopher Brookmyre, Stuart MacBride and Craig Robertson will be revealing their secrets in Aberdeen at the end of May. And Irvine Welsh will be appearing at Apple's Glasgow Buchanan Street store on Sunday to talk about ECSTACY. And here's the man himself as an extra in FILTH, which is currently filming in Edinburgh.

Lots of reviews today. Eurocrime reviews Craig Russell's THE DEEP DARK SLEEP, The Big Issue reviews Peter May's THE LEWIS MAN, Bestsellersworld on DEATH OF A KINGFISHER by M C Beaton, Norm at Crimescraps on Charles Cumming's THE TRINITY SIX, WildmooBooks reviews Val McDermid's REPORT FOR MURDER, Rikki's Teleidoscope reviews Alexander McCall Smith's THE COMFORTS OF A MUDDY SATURDAY.

The Indie Pedant looks forward to Irvine Welsh's SKAGBOYS.

Lovely Scottish publisher Blasted Heath buys a black comedy called THE VANITY GAME by H J Hampson. Excellent! I love black comedy and I love football. Result.

Popmatters reports that US crime overtakes British romance in British libraries. Luckily, Ian Rankin is holding up the side for the Brits.

Edinburgh's New Town to celebrate its literary history. And The Scotsman reports that Scottish arts would benefit from Scottish independence.

Jonny Lee Miller is to play Sherlock Holmes in a US TV version set in contemporary New York.

Denise Mina talks to Forbidden Planet about comics.

Finally, the Herald are looking for your help to come up with the rest of the list of the Top 100 Scottish novels. They already have 30 and there are plenty of familiar names in there.

Her Love Rubbed Off

An apt Cramps title for the blog post today. And, to celebrate Valentine's Day, those lovely people at Pulp Press and For Books' Sake have reduced the price of the Short Stack anthology in the UK, or US for the day. What could be more romantic for Valentine's Day than giving your lover ten tales of brutal, ferocious crime fiction written by ten brutal, ferocious women? And if that's not cheap enough for you, you can win a copy here.

This weekend's cinematic viewing was the directorial debut of Paddy Considine, starring the brilliant Peter Mullan as Joseph - a man who is violent and brutal and shown as totally unlikeable right from the start (really, you have been warned), and the equally brilliant Olivia Colman as Christian charity shop volunteer Hannah - a woman with a secret. Harrowing, bleak and really, really sad. I was crying from the opening scene and was never far from a hanky for the rest of the film.

A review of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION, two for M C Beaton with DEATH OF A PERFECT WIFE and AGATHA RAISIN AND THE QUICHE OF DEATH, and Groovy Daz with a groovy review of Ray Banks' DEAD MONEY.

Aly Monroe with one of her usual thoughtful and interesting posts - this one on character behaviour and reader reactions.

Huge congratulations to Helen Fitzgerald whose excellent THE DEVIL'S STAIRCASE goes into film production later this year.

Alex Gray on why crime fiction is the most borrowed genre in Britain's libraries. And The Scotsman considers the same topic and the legacy of William McIlvanney's Laidlaw.

Tony Black's THE STORM WITHOUT is to be published by a new independent publisher from Newcastle - McNidder and Grace.

And just in case you're looking for the perfect gift this Valentine's Day...

Don't Mess With Me - I'm Savage and Brutal

First of all, I'm very excited to announce that my short story DEPRAVITY LANE appears in SHORT STACK - a new anthology of pulp fiction written by women (the US kindle version is here). The print version will follow. This is the result of a competition held by the wonderful people at For Books' Sake and Pulp Press last year.

I'm very, very glad I have the flu because I've spent the day in bed reading all the other stories and I'm so pleased to be included in such a wonderful line-up. The characters include punk rock journalists, zombies and xenobiologists, and there are stories of freaks and fairytales, sadness and madness, disease and destruction, revenge, weirdness and just good, old-fashioned nastiness. Apparently, we are "a savage and brutal bunch". Excellent. Dad, this one is not for you. Don't even mention it to Mum. My own story is a wee homage to one of my favourite books and films - Nightmare Alley (which gives me the opportunity to steal this brilliantly doctored poster courtesy of the marvellous Smudge MacRae at Blasted Heath).

The other stories are by Shelagh M. Rowan-Legg, Bernadette Russell, Jane Osis, Zoe Lambert, Icy Sedgwick, Evangeline Jennings, Gill Shutt, Claire Rowland and Mihaela Nicolescu. A tasty treat for fans of wicked women.

Ian Rankin calls the BBC a bunch of fannies and numpties (and Val McDermid isn't very happy either). And Ian also complains about his scantily clad Twitter followers.

Alexander McCall Smith talks about medical ethics and teapots (yes, it's the Daily Mail).

Austcrime reviews Gordon Ferris' TRUTH DARE KILL, a review of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION and A DARKER DOMAIN and Eurocrime reviews Lin Anderson's PICTURE HER DEAD.

An interview with Christopher Brookmyre.

Douglas Lindsay is his usual hilarious self.

Ray Banks on the state of crime fiction. Some great points in the comments - especially Steve Mosby's.

Kill The Poor

I thought this track from The Dead Kennedys was apt, since I believe it is Her Maj's favourite punk song. I appear to have been invited to a Royal Garden Party. Thinking fast, I said I would only go if my Mum wanted to go. Since, apparently "Scotland's too far to come and visit you now I'm 80, our Donna", I thought I would be safe. How wrong I was. Apparently, Scotland is now a mere sparrow's fart away. Her only worry is that she now has to find a fascinator. And now I, too, am left with the terrible dilemma of finding a fascinator that matches my Docs.

My Mum now has the other residents of the retirement community curtseying to her when they meet in the hallways. And then there's my poor Dad...I said to Mum that she needed photographic ID to get into the Palace, and no, that her pension book wasn't enough. "What about your passport?" I said.

"I think my passport's out of date since my ankles are too big to fly, these days," (don't ask).

I heard my Dad in the background "My passport's in the kitchen drawer."

"We don't care about your passport, Patrick," came the scathing response. "Who is it that's going to the Royal Garden Party?" Silence. "Who, Patrick, who?"

"You, dear."

"That's right. So, what don't we care about?"

"My passport, dear."

"Exactly."

I have created a monster. A monster who is now on the hunt for a fascinator.

Irvine Welsh's ECSTASY is screened in London on February 9th.

A review of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION.

Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD on ABC Radio National. And Mr Rankin himself on his best story ever.

Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED has, apparently, sold 150,000 e-copies.

Alexander McCall Smith to appear at Scotland's most remote literary festival.

An interview with Michael Malone.

A set of first editions by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is discovered in a charity shop.

Denise Mina wonders if sentiment is the new taboo.

For my latest blog post over at Blasted Heath, the talented Smudge doctors a poster for Nightmare Alley to make me look almost attractive. Well, from the neck down, anyway.

Tomorrow, it's the last proper day of lectures on my course before I start on my placement, and then I'm off to Allan Guthrie's event at Strathclyde University before going out to dinner with lovely pals Tony Black, Michael Malone and Kieran G. I'm planning to get them drunk so they will tell me all their secrets. I will, of course, share those secrets with you, dear Reader.

Wilder, Wilder. Faster, Faster.

A lesser known Cramps song today. Incidentally, I teach a creative writing class and this week I did an exercise using songs. I started them off with some Flaming Stars (to lull them into a false sense of security) moved through Killing Joke, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, and The Clash and finished up with this one from The Cramps. I think they were a bit puzzled by The Cramps. It was great fun.

Len Wanner, author of an excellent book of interviews with Scottish crime fiction authors, will be interviewing Tony Black in person on Saturday 4th February in Dalkeith. Also on 4th February, Stuart MacBride will be at the University of Dundee. And you can go to the screening of Irvine Welsh's ECSTASY and the after-party on February 18th, if you are so inclined.

And a reminder of an event on Monday - Allan Guthrie at the University of Strathclyde. See you there if you're going.

Those lovely chaps at Blasted Heath would like to serve you some #broth.

Crime Fiction Lover on comedy and crime, and recommends Chris Ewan.

Helen Fitzgerald's yummy new book cover.

Nigel Bird is featured in the East Lothian Courier.

Val McDermid on method and madness.

Douglas Lindsay does not want to be an astronaut. Which is a relief, really.

A crime writing MA? I'd sign up, if only to be taught by the rather excellent Martyn Waites.

Finally, a man plans a murder, with the intention of pinning it on the cat.

New Kind of Kick

Back to The Cramps again today.

This weekend's cinematic viewing list consisted of two very different films. First of all the Korean film THE MAN FROM NOWHERE - a very dark film about drugs, child slavery and heartless criminal gangs, with lots of violence and gore flying about. But there was also a little girl who gave the film a wee bit of heart and humour. I enjoyed it even though I spent several scenes covering my eyes. The second film was Iranian film A SEPARATION - a film about relationships of all sorts in which what you don't see is just as important as what you do. An emotionally powerful film that I absolutely loved.

Ian Rankin takes Alan Yentob to the Oxford Bar and calls for tax incentives to help new authors. And this weekend Ian will be at the Brighton and Hove Albion First Fiction Book Festival.

A review of Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG, Norm at Crime Scraps loves Aly Monroe's ICELIGHT, The Morning Star recommends Stuart MacBride's SHATTER THE BONES, and Lambda Literary reviews Val McDermid's TRICK OF THE DARK.

Christopher Brookmyre and Louise Welsh at the Margins Book and Music Festival on February 24th. And Allan Guthrie at the University of Strathclyde on January 30th (see you there if you're going along).

Den of Geek (what a great name) with the top 10 portrayals of Sherlock Holmes. I thought the third episode of the new series was totally brilliant. I have no idea how the ending happened (she says vaguely) but I loved it. And the series has boosted sales of the original Holmes books. Excellent.

Margot Kinberg puts the spotlight on Denise Mina's GARNETHILL.

The film of Irvine Welsh's ECSTASY gets its premiere in February.

Finally, a break in my university essay schedule and I am able to read proper books again - lovely, lovely crime fiction books. I've missed you so. I have just started Donald Ray Pollock's THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME, which is shaping up brilliantly so far. This will be followed by THE ADJUSTMENT by the brilliant Scott Phillips and some lesbian pulp from the wonderful Christa Faust with BUTCH FATALE; DYKE DICK — DOUBLE-D DOUBLE CROSS. Life is good.

Happy New Year!

Hello, Dear Reader. This is just a very quick post to wish you a Happy New Year and let you know I haven't fallen off the ends of the earth. I have two essays due in on Monday and have been immersed in them since my last blog post. So this is just a very quick few links for your delectation.

A review of Quintin Jardine's AS EASY AS MURDER, one of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION and one of Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD. An interesting slant on Ken McClure's DONOR from someone with an interest in organ donation (I wonder if they've read Helen Fitzgerald's THE DONOR - Helen, maybe you want to get in touch with her!). Publishers Weekly reviews M C Beaton's DEATH OF A KINGFISHER.

A review of the Sherlock Holmes film A GAME OF SHADOWS.

The London Evening Standard on books they're looking forward to in 2012.

A video trailer for Peter May's THE LEWIS MAN.

Catch Stuart MacBride in Aberdeen on Monday.

An interview with the lovely Tony Black.

And that's it for today. Sorry it's so brief! Back next week. Now it's back to ideology, hegemony and social justice.

Happy Happy, Merry Merry

No Cramps today, instead, some of my favourite alternative Christmas songs.
Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight) - The Ramones
Stuff The Turkey - Alien Sex Fiend
Shot My Baby For Christmas - The Vaudevilles
The Christmas Song - The Raveonettes
Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis - Tom Waits
I Do, Dear, I Do - Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds
Il Est Ne Le Divin Enfant - Siouxsie and The Banshees
I Don't Believe In Christmas - The Tabaltix
There's Trouble Brewin' - Jack Scott
Fairytale of New York - The Pogues
There Ain't No Sanity Claus - The Damned
Run, Run, Rudolph - Humpers
I Want An Alien For Christmas - Fountains of Wayne
Merry Christmas You Suckers - Paddy Roberts
Black Christmas - Poly Styrene
Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope - Sonic Youth
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit - Half Man Half Biscuit

Over at Tony Black's Pulp Pusher a series of recommendations of, and by, Scottish authors and bloggers amongst others: Post 1, post 2 and post 3. And Tony has a lovely, heartwarming, wee Christmas story up too. Manky Christmas, ya bawjaws...

Groovy Daz reviews GUN by Ray Banks. And Paul Brazill on DEAD MONEY.

Sarah at Crimepieces reviews Val McDermid's A PLACE OF EXECUTION,

Lin Anderson recommends her favourite reads. And The Express recommends Anthony Horowitz' THE HOUSE OF SILK and Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD.

Here's Russel McLean with his top 10 books of the year.

Denise Mina with Pepys Christmas.

Stuart MacBride has a wee pressie for Evening Express readers.

A story from Alexander McCall Smith in the Express, and one in The Scotsman (does the man have a team of elves writing for him, I wonder?).

A Christmas Day radio play penned by David Ashton. And Ian Rankin's also on the radio on The Jazz House on New Year's Day.

A muscular Conan Doyle? And is Sherlock Holmes more brawn than brains too? And a treasure trove from the doctor who was the inspiration for Holmes.

Peter May's THE BLACKHOUSE is Richard and Judy's top Autumn Book Club read. And a video trailer for the follow-up - THE LEWIS MAN.

I leave you with the genius that is Douglas Lindsay, talking about the 10 worst Christmas songs.

Have a lovely festive season, Dear Reader. xxx

Can't Find My Mind

Soon, I will run out of Cramps titles. But not yet.

Writers talk about their bookshelves.

Lots of reviews today. Maxine at Petrona reviews Aline Templeton's LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER, The World According To Who? reviews Stuart MacBride's BROKEN SKIN, Clover Hill Book Reviews talks about Craig Robertson's RANDOM, Emily Mah on THE DOUBLE COMFORT SAFARI CLUB by Alexander McCall Smith, whose THE FORGOTTEN AFFAIRS OF YOUTH is reviewed in The Boston Globe. Sarah's Book Reviews enjoyed M C Beaton's AS THE PIG TURNS and the lovely Declan Burke reviews the equally lovely Aly Monroe's ICELIGHT in The Irish Times, and the Book Nook on Denise Mina's THE END OF THE WASP SEASON. Finally, a couple of reviews for Anthony Horowitz' THE HOUSE OF SILK.

A review...nay, poetry (and very clever)...of Allan Guthrie's BYE, BYE BABY from Conniephoebe.

An article on Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. And a review. Or there's the TV version with Benedict Cumberbatch which returns in the new year.

Denise Mina in A Year In Reading. And more on the graphic novelisation of The Girl Blah Blah Blah books (possibly the only Denise Mina penned stuff I will never read, since I didn't care for the first of the Larsson books and didn't read any more of them).

Seven Questions with Ian Rankin in which he reveals he would be a maverick cop. And here he talks about how he kills people off. And he's requesting a Robert Louis Stevenson Day. And if you're in Chichester on 20th January you can hear Ian reading from his unpublished first novel.

Win a copy of Peter May's THE BLACKHOUSE. I'd be entering with Amphetamine Westerly if I didn't already have a copy.

And you can win a copy of Helen Fitzgerald's THE DONOR over at Stephen Moyer's page. Ooooooooh, nice!

TRICK OF THE DARK by Val McDermid is one of Oline Cogdill's top reads of 2011. And Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG is in the Washington Post's best of list.

Confessions of a Psycho Cat

I thought this Cramps song was apt.

Since I have told a few Glasgow bus stories recently, and I'm feeling lazy, I thought I would dig out an old bus story to accompany today's post, so here it is.

It was a lovely sunny Saturday afternoon, so I decided to go into the city centre to buy a new pair of sandals. Yes, I know - the World Shoe Mountain currently resides in my spare bedroom, but, well, you never can tell when that rumoured Slingback Shortage is going to occur, so, abiding by that old Girl Guide motto 'Be Prepared', off I trotted. (For the purposes of this tale, it's actually irrelevant that I was thrown out of the Girl Guides due to my reliance on my own personal motto 'Be a Pain in The Arse'.)

So there I was, sitting on the bus, gazing out of the window and listening to my ipod (The Clash if anyone cares). About half way into town, I noticed someone sitting down next to me. When I say 'I noticed' what I actually mean was 'I couldn't help noticing because he sat on my knee and breathed stale beer fumes all over me'. Oh good, that most annoying of Bus Pests, the Glasgow drunk. He apologised profusely. I mostly couldn't hear what he was saying due to the music so I I just smiled and turned away. Then he spoke to me again and I just nodded and smiled and looked out the window. So he tapped me on the shoulder and spoke again. I pointedly took out the earpiece from the ear on the Bus Pest side and said "Sorry?"

"Oh! Are ye listening tae music hen?"

"Yes."

"Whit are ye listening tae?"

"Just a mixture." (My patented method of getting rid of The Bus Pest is be brief, be polite, don't give them too much information, they'll only ask more questions).

"Is it some of that meatrocker music?" (OK, so my patented method needs a little work). "Ah'm an Elvis man maself. Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra... Ah'm no much o' a singer mind." I breathed a sigh of relief - thankful for small mercies - at least I wasn't going to be treated to a rendition of My Way. "Although, I dae a pretty guid Ma Way, if I dae say so maself." I cast about feverishly for a hole of swallow-me-up size, but luckily he decided not to sing.

In one way, I would have loved to have seen him sing. He had apparently recently been to the false Teeth Shop but was obviously in a hurry on teeth shopping day. I knew this because a) he had the most perfect set of top teeth (apart from the fact that they moved independently from his gums) and b) he had 2 yellow bottom teeth (and I don't mean he had two yellow bottom teeth in an otherwise perfect set. I mean he had only 2 bottom teeth, and they were bright yellow). Watching him speak was like watching a badly dubbed Hungarian film. When he finished speaking, his top teeth were still in motion - moving away from his gums, out over his bottom lip and, on a couple of really scary occasions they were sucked back into his mouth and disappeared towards his throat. I was mentally practising the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Instead he held out his hand "Ah'm Big Chick. Pleased tae meet ya hen. And you are?...."

"Donna", I said quietly.

"Did yez hear that?" he announced to the rest of the bus "The lassie's called Donna. Whit time is it Donna?"

"Ten past one."

"Ten past wan? Ten past wan in the MORNIN'?"

"Errrr.....no, afternoon" What, did he think Glasgow had sneakily moved locations while he was down the pub and was now situated in the land of the midnight sun? At that point, a woman got on the bus and he said to her "Dae ye want ma seat pal?" She shook her head and moved on, despite the pleading look I gave her. Big Chick leaned over to me and whispered (and, when I say 'whispered' what I actually mean is 'boomed loudly') "She's just jealous 'cos ah'm sittin' with you instead o' her." Yes, I should imagine the whole bus was positively emerald green with jealousy at my good fortune by now. At least, those who weren't sniggering with glee at my predicament and increasingly red face.

"Where are ye fae' Donna?"

"Here. I live here."

Again, the announcement of this titillating piece of information to the rest of the bus "Did yez all hear? Donna lives in Glesgae."

Someone up the back of the bus laughed. My Bus Pest turned round, taking his jacket off "Hey youse up the back - haud yer wheesht. Dae yis want tae fight me?" Luckily no one took him up on this. I say luckily because he then turned back to me and said "Ah'm a bouncer." Oh. Really. Since 'Big' Chick was less than 4 feet 6 inches tall and more than 104 years old, I found this a tad difficult to believe.

"Ah'm gettin' aff at the Sandyford." I breathed a sigh of relief. The Sandyford was a pub a couple of stops further up. "Are ye coming in? Ah'll see you right." I didn't know whether he meant for a drink, a fight or a lumber*, but frankly, I didn't want to ask.

"Errr, no, thanks all the same but I have to go into town."

"Okay hen, well you come in and see me on Monday. I'll be in the Sandyford fae' aboot 10 in the morning. It's a great wee boozer. It opens at 8am, so if ye get up and ye feel like a wee drink, ye can just stoat along."

Great. Hold me back.

Big Chick heaved himself out of the seat and walked to the front of the bus, turning round at the front to give me a last beery wave "Bye Donna hen. Ah'll have a wee pie and a pint waitin' fer ye on Monday mornin'."

Mmmmmm, can't wait.

* Lumber - Glasgow slang for a hot date.

And now, your Scottish crime fiction news.

The Picky Girl reviews Catriona McPherson's DANDY GILVER AND THE PROPER TREATMENT OF BLOODSTAINS, Marion Public Library on Alexander McCall Smith's THE FORGOTTEN AFFAIRS OF YOUTH, which is also covered by Cleveland.com. A reviw of Stuart MacBride's A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE. Actually, I'm not sure if it's a review or an academic dissertation...

Holmes and Watson to star in Some Like It Hot remake? And the Ottowa Citizen talks about the Sherlock Holmes film.

Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG is one of the top crime fiction books for 2011 for the Seattle Times. And the Irish Independent includes Ian Rankin and Val McDermid on its list of stocking thrillers. Doug Johnstone has a rather excellent top 10 list which includes Ray Banks and Helen Fitzgerald, as well as my lovely friend Christa Faust. Nice list, Doug.

Ian Rankin will be at the Oxford Literary Festival in March 2012.

Denise Mina to adapt the Stieg Larsson series into graphic novel format.

And now, back to an essay on social justice and empowerment. Ta-ta, dear Reader.

More Psychogeographic Psychos

Another little outtake from my psychogeographic tour across Glasgow. This is all the stuff which, sadly, can't make it into my essay but which were the best bits for me.

I should say at the outset that Glasgow's East End has a bit of a reputation. It has the lowest life expectancy in Europe, some of the worst gang violence, and it has the horrific Bellgrove Hotel (I once read a brilliant review of the place that said "First class place, close to all local amenities - Barlinnie (jail), Haddows (off licence) and Glasgow Royal Infirmary (nearest A&E department). There is also a lot that is good about the East End. It has a lot of character, some great people, and some excellent community projects. However, the fact remains that it is not a place that someone would normally send a tourist. Hence my surprise when coming back into the city centre on my psychogeographic journey, I had the following encounter.

The bus was fairly empty - a few people at the front and myself and one other person towards the back. Just opposite the aforementioned Bellgrove Hotel a guy got on. He was wearing a San Francisco 49ers shirt and shorts. My interest was piqued. You don't see that very often in Glasgow.

My interest was further piqued when he said to the driver in an American accent "How much is it to get my black ass out of here?" Incidentally, he was not black. He then had a conversation with the driver about not having slept for 48 hours. I pulled out my notebook. I had a feeling this was going to be gold dust for a postmodernist flâneur such as myself. He came swaggering towards the back of the bus, saying "How you doin'?" to various people as he passed them. They all ignored him. He didn't seem bothered.

As he passed me he stopped and said "Girl, green is your colour. Damn." (I was wearing a turquoise coat, he wasn't referring to the colour of my face." I smiled politely. When accosted by the Bus Nutter I try not to speak. It only eggs them on.

He sat down behind me and engaged the guy opposite in conversation with a classic opening gambit. "Women are crazy, huh?" The guy gave the perfect comeback (albeit one possibly fraught with danger) "Ah dinnae ken, pal. Ah'm gay."

It did not stop the American bloke. "How long until we're into the city?"

"Two minutes, pal."

"Two minutes? I bet you £2 it won't be two minutes...it'll be four."

The gay guy catches my eye. He taps his head in the ubiquitous sign for 'we've got a right bugs case here'. I grin and turn back to making my notes.

"So, is it right that Glasgow is the murder capital of the world?" This, in a very loud voice.

"Naw, pal, just Europe," says the gay guy.

The American bloke is silent for a few seconds, apparently taking this in. Then, right behind my left ear I hear "Oh-oh, she's taking notes." I have apparently been rumbled, but continue taking notes, just to pretend I'm not. "I knew this guy once - good looking guy, not as good looking as me though, ya know? So, we're out and I tell him to watch my style, take notes. I hope you're not taking notes?"

I turn round. "No, no, I'm just writing myself a reminder," I say, trying not to sound guilty.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I love your accent." This is one of the reasons I do not like to speak to the Bus Nutter. "You wanna go for a drink?"

"Um, no thank you."

Of course, it is too late. Me and the gay guy are now in the loop. "You sure? I'm just in from the US and I'm jetlagged, can't sleep, totally wired."

"No, you're OK, but thanks."

"I mean, I know you're a little older than me...what are you? 34? 35?"

"I'm 49."

"49? Man. You're looking hot, babe."

"Errrrr...thanks. I think. But I think that's the jetlag."

He nods philosophically and turns to the gay guy. "I suppose you're waiting for me to ask you out now?"

I ask him why, if he's just landed, he's ended up in the East End of Glasgow. Apparently, someone has told him that the best fish and chips are in the East End and so he had to have some. The gay guy and I tell him he needs to be careful about who he listens to. Eventually, having tried to get me to go for a drink one more time he gets off the bus with a cheery high five for us and a cheery wave for everyone else on the bus.

The gay guy and I watch him swagger off. "Do you think he'll be OK?" I say, worriedly. "Aye. I think it's Glasgow you need to worry about, rather than him."

Anyway, Scottish crime fiction news:

Ooooooh! Paul Johnston has a new book out, and you can read the first chapter of THE SILVER STAIN here.

Val McDermid and a host of other luminaries part of The Library Book.

Alexander McCall Smith's Yuletide festivities.

Guitars and Life reviews Charles Cumming's THE TRINITY SIX.

Sometimes, the brilliant Douglas Lindsay is a miserable ****. And sometimes, he gives us treats.

How do you fancy a nasty story for the 12 days of Winter? Then check out this from Stuart MacBride, with a new story every day.

Ian Rankin at the University of Sussex in January.

A wonderful post from Aly Monroe about Spain's Robbed Children.

Those lovely paper sculptures again.

And, finally, what Glasgow swapped for the new pandas at Edinburgh Zoo.

Eyeball In My Martini

Hello, Dear Reader. I hope you had a lovely weekend.

No live version of today's Cramps blog title, I'm afraid.

Russel McLean is looking for some love and, in return, he'll give you some too.

Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG makes the Kansas City Star's top books of 2011. The book also gets a mention in the NYT's Sunday paperback reviews. And both Denise Mina and Philip Kerr get a mention in the New York Times' notable crime fiction books of 2011. Philip Kerr also features in the St Louis Post Dispatch's 2011 list. Audiobooks of the year in the Independent include Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD and Anthony Horowitz' THE HOUSE OF SILK.

On the other side of the equation Philip Kerr, Alexander McCall Smith and Val McDermid recommend their favourites in The Scotsman. Philip Kerr recommends Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD and Val recommends the truly brilliant BLACK FLOWERS by Steve Mosby.

UK Chica reviews THE FALLS by Ian Rankin, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reviews THE COMPLAINTS and Mystery File reviews DEAD SOULS.

A hunt for Alexander McCall Smith's Mma Ramotswe in Sleuthing Botswana.

Aberdeen MP Anne Begg is a big fan of crime fiction, and Scottish authors feature heavily on her list.

Over at the Blasted Heath Blog, I get to talk about sex (Dad, that link is not for you. Have some Antiques Roadshow instead.)

Last Monday, I went to the Christopher Brookmyre event put on by Doug Johnstone. Here, finally (blame two essays), is my brief summary of the event. Luckily, most of it is not printable, but if you do get a chance to see Chris Brookmyre, do ask him about the roast chicken story, about the mad woman from Dundee Book Events and the crucifix story.

Brookmyre also told a story about doing an event in Clydebank Library. He noted that a library open after hours, with the lights on, is a bampot magnet. "It's the flame, and all the moths are wearing Burbery". A bloke in a Burbery cap came in and hovered for a while before telling Brookmyre that his dad "loves the Glasgow crime books." He told Brookmyre that he had never actually heard of him, but that he would get his dad a book. "Now, what was it you done?" It became clear that the guy thought that Brookmyre was a criminal. Brookmyre was tempted to say "Ah murdered hunnerds of guys" but, in the end, settled for telling him it was fiction. "What, you're making it up?" said the guy.

Brookmyre said that he started writing at the age of 6, and most of his early stuff was a straight rip-off of what he was reading (he spent two months writing nothing but stories about sharks eating people after seeing Jaws). He had a great teacher at school and, when he wrote two versions of the same story in class (one cleaned up and one with swearing and necrophilia) she told him it was the best thing he had ever written. She supported him in writing it and gave it to the headmaster. Unfortunately, she did not choose her words carefully enough when she said to the headmaster "I think you really ought to see this."

Brookmyre wrote three books before his fourth was accepted. He said that for some reason publishers are not very tolerant of "books that are shite."

He worked for a newspaper in Edinburgh, doing football reports at a time when the results were brought to the paper by carrier pigeon (Hibs and Hearts both had pigeon coops on their roof. Oh, yes, there's another story I can't tell about one of the misprints...

He talked about crime writers he admired - including Val McDermid and Mark Billingham (and, incidentally, said that he thought Mark had done well to get out of the playground titles (Scaredy Cat and Sleepy Head) before he was reduced to Specky Four Eyes and Smelly Bum). This then led to him to worrying about Sue Grafton who must have thought that A Is For Alibi was a good idea until she got to K is For Kicking The Arse Out Of It. He wondered how she feels as she gets close to having to write a mystery where an important plot point has to revolve around a xylophone).

The follow up to WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED will be called WHEN THE DEVIL DRIVES and will be out next summer. Winning the Wodehouse prize was the least comfortable Brookmyre has ever felt professionally as he had to do a photo shoot with a very rare breed of pig that had its own escort. The pig wouldn't come out of its trailer (Hollywood style huff) and sent its piglets instead. Carrying a large jeroboam of champagne and surrounded by tiny pigs, Brookmyre said he looked like a hobbit. He's also writing a sci-fi/computer gaming novel called BEDLAM which allows him to make up a complete universe.

At the end, he read out a brilliant 'Irvine Welsh does Jane Austen story'. I wish you could have heard it, Dear Reader.