Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you etc etc?

We've been finalising the programme for Crimefest in the last couple of weeks. So my job - trying to sort out panels for around 140 authors - is done. Panel assignments have mostly been sent to moderators and panellists, and now I just have to fine tune following the inevitable "Sorry, I can't make that date" e-mails. It's a great division of labour amongst the three co-hosts. Adrian does all the hard work, Myles is the technical genius, and I get the fun. The programme will soon be up online here. Looking forward to seeing some of you there!

Talking of programmes, the schedule for Glasgow's Aye Write is now available. Lots of good crime fiction related stuff, including a tribute to Iain Banks, Watching The Detectives: Serial Crime with Denise Mina, Sophie Hannah and Alex Gray, (Sophie Hannah also has an event called The Poetry of Sex which looks really good - her poetry is great fun and what's not to love about sex? Errrr...not sure that came out right...). Allan Massie and David Ashton talk about historical crime and Christopher Brookmyre pairs up with Barry Phillips in an event to talk about - amongst other things I'm sure - his science fiction thriller BEDLAM (if you go, do ask him about the roast chicken/Borders bookshop story). William McIlvanney, the Godfather of Tartan Noir will be speaking, and Stuart MacBride and Gordon Ferris have an event called Dark, Dark Noir. Louise Welsh talks about her new book A LOVELY WAY TO BURN, a thriller set in a dystopian future, and the first in a trilogy and Val McDermid is in conversation with comedian Susan Calman in what is sure to be a fun event. And I'm not sure if this is a crime novel or not, but Natalie Haynes will be talking about her new novel THE AMBER FURY, which sounds brilliant.

And, finally, an event about the fabulous 21 Revolutions book from Glasgow Women's Library.  I'm really excited to have a story in this gorgeous book, alongside such luminaries as Karen Campbell, Helen Fitzgerald, Zoe Strachan, Louise Welsh, Denise Mina, Laura Marney, A L Kennedy, Anne Donovan...The list of gloriousness is endless. Plus me. Unusually for me, mine is not a crime story, but a story about a suffragette on hunger strike in Glasgow's Duke Street prison. You can hear it here if remotely interested.

And now the non-festival news. Firstly, the ideal gift for the Sherlock Holmes fan in your life.And an article on Conan Doyle in fact and fiction. Mystery File reviews John Buchan's THE THREE HOSTAGES, and a review of Alexander McCall Smith's THE MINOR ADJUSTMENT BEAUTY SALON, who is also introducing Precious Ramotswe to younger readers.

A couple of nominations for Irvine Welsh's FILTH at the Empire film awards.

And, finally, I love the bloke's reaction to being arrested. 

Back to your regularly scheduled Scottish crime fiction

First week of my Masters Degree this week. It's been really good, although I may not be reading for fun any time soon. Everyone on the course is really friendly. It was also my first week of tutoring a new creative writing class. I was nervous, but it turned out to be loads of fun (for me, at least...)

The mystery of Edinburgh's wonderful paper sculptures has been solved...but no-one's telling us who it is yet.

The Crime Time Cafe review's Russel McLean's THE LOST SISTER and sympathises with Russel about his missing L. And Oline Cogdill at the Sun Sentinel reviews Val McDermid's TRICK OF THE DARK.

And Val talks about the influence of Elinor M Brent Dyer's Chalet School books. And here's the link to the actual programme, which is excellent. I loved those books. I also loved Enid Blyton's Mallory Towers boarding school books. My Mum was very upset when I told her I wanted to go to boarding school and change my name to Wilhelmina. However, she finally worked out it was because I rather liked the idea of midnight feasts. Looking back, I am very glad my family were too poor to send me to boarding school. I still like midnight feasts though.

The Belfast Telegraph interviews Ian Rankin.

Dan Heap talks to Tony Black, Lin Anderson and Caro Ramsay about why Glasgow and Edinburgh are such great settings for crime fiction.

Get the benefit of Iain Banks' experience at a creative writing course. Or you could catch him at this event in Edinburgh next Wednesday.

The Dinner Detectives Book Club features M C Beaton.

Helen Fitzgerald - joint Queen of Scotland - with a heap of good news.

The always brilliant Douglas Lindsay on to tweet or not to tweet.

And, finally, happy birthday to the wonderful Glasgow Women's Library - 20 years old this week, and the place where I'm lucky enough to be doing my placement. It's the friendliest place imaginable, full of joy and excitement and I love being there.

"Not in these trousers"

I am absolutely loving being made redundant. I've been doing some adult literacy tutoring, group work and creative writing groups at the wonderful Glasgow Women's Library, and it's where I'm going to be doing my plaement for my Masters degree. It's a lovely place to be. Sometimes it's quiet and restful to be there, at other times it's noisy and vibrant. It's always fun and interesting. They do so much there - adult literacy and numeracy sessions, trips to Glasgow's Buddhist Temple or Jewish archives, galleries, films, museums, arts and crafts. There's a group of learners who are involved in researching, setting up and delivering women's heritage walking tours of Glasgow, and they have a BME women's project. Everyone who works there is absolutely lovely and really friendly, and the learners are great fun and so enthusiastic. It's an absolute joy to go in there (I sent Ewan a text after a particularly great day there, saying "I love my job." He sent me one back saying "Just to remind you - you're not getting paid." Details, details).

They also have an archive of fascinating treasures - loads of Suffragette and women's history artefacts. They have a list of what's available and you have to find it yourself. There are loads of boxes, each of which contain several items. It's like a treasure hunt - you have to locate the shelf, then the box, then dig inside the box. One box has pulp fiction - including the marvellous - THE GIRLS IN 3-B ("They came to the city - fascinated, frightened - hungering after life with that desperate, head-long impatience of the very young...There was Annice...Bright, curious, full of untried passions, she let Alan drag her into his beat-generation world of parties, jazz, booze, marijuana and sex. And Pat...She was big blonde and built for love, but she was saving herself for marriage. Until she met her boss. Right from the beginning Pat knew she'd do anything for him - anything. And Barby...She was the most vulnerable. Men terrified her and for a good reason. When she finally fell in love it was with a woman.) How can you resist that?

There's also a beautiful Suffragette brooch, all wrapped up with tissue paper and ribbon, a card game called PANKO which has supporters and opponents of the suffrage movement and includes cards such as 'Votes for Women' showing a fight between Suffragettes and the police, and 'Gaol ! Gaol ! Gaol !' showing a Suffragette refusing a meal while on hunger strike a 'Votes For Women clock/paperweight (it's weird, but it works), 1950s knitting patterns, ancient sex education leaflets ("Should I let my boyfriend touch me below the neck?"), and my favourite find - Suffragette postcards. They have a collection of postcards - mostly cartoon-y, many of them taking the mickey out of the Suffragette movement. Some of them have been sent to people and those are the most fascinating "Dear Alice, I hope you don't hold with all this nonsense" type of stuff. But my favourite was one which has a young man wooing a young woman, and it looks as though he's trying to get her into a cosy love shack. She's wearing the new fangled trousers of the day - like golfing plus fours - and she's saying "Not in these trousers."

The back of the card says "Dear Alice, Shall not be over on Saturday, Frank." Now, doesn't that make you wonder what happened? Was Frank chucking Alice by the Edwardian era version of text message? If so, why did he send his message on a jokey postcard? Was she a Suffragette and he didn't approve? Or was this their usual form of communication, given lack of phones and difficulty in locating a carrier pigeon? Had they earlier agreed that he would come over either on Saturday or Sunday, and he was just letting her know that Saturday was out? Was Frank really Francesca?

Amy - I read your mail 100 years later and I'm worried about you and Frank.

Anyway, on to the usual crime fiction news.

A review for Allan Guthrie's TWO-WAY SPLIT, and one for Kate Atkinson's WHEN WILL THERE BE GOOD NEWS?

In DEAD SHARP, Len Wanner interviews Scottish crime writers Allan Guthrie, Ian Rankin, Christopher Brookmyre, Louise Welsh, Neil Forsyth, Stuart MacBride, Karen Campbell, Alice Thompson and Paul Johnston. Excellent stuff.

A literary festival in Soho with Philip Kerr amongst others.

Can you tell a Scottish novelist from an English one?

Ian Rankin on the new sculpture on the border between Scotland and England.