Don't Mess With Me - I'm Savage and Brutal

First of all, I'm very excited to announce that my short story DEPRAVITY LANE appears in SHORT STACK - a new anthology of pulp fiction written by women (the US kindle version is here). The print version will follow. This is the result of a competition held by the wonderful people at For Books' Sake and Pulp Press last year.

I'm very, very glad I have the flu because I've spent the day in bed reading all the other stories and I'm so pleased to be included in such a wonderful line-up. The characters include punk rock journalists, zombies and xenobiologists, and there are stories of freaks and fairytales, sadness and madness, disease and destruction, revenge, weirdness and just good, old-fashioned nastiness. Apparently, we are "a savage and brutal bunch". Excellent. Dad, this one is not for you. Don't even mention it to Mum. My own story is a wee homage to one of my favourite books and films - Nightmare Alley (which gives me the opportunity to steal this brilliantly doctored poster courtesy of the marvellous Smudge MacRae at Blasted Heath).

The other stories are by Shelagh M. Rowan-Legg, Bernadette Russell, Jane Osis, Zoe Lambert, Icy Sedgwick, Evangeline Jennings, Gill Shutt, Claire Rowland and Mihaela Nicolescu. A tasty treat for fans of wicked women.

Ian Rankin calls the BBC a bunch of fannies and numpties (and Val McDermid isn't very happy either). And Ian also complains about his scantily clad Twitter followers.

Alexander McCall Smith talks about medical ethics and teapots (yes, it's the Daily Mail).

Austcrime reviews Gordon Ferris' TRUTH DARE KILL, a review of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION and A DARKER DOMAIN and Eurocrime reviews Lin Anderson's PICTURE HER DEAD.

An interview with Christopher Brookmyre.

Douglas Lindsay is his usual hilarious self.

Ray Banks on the state of crime fiction. Some great points in the comments - especially Steve Mosby's.

Kill The Poor

I thought this track from The Dead Kennedys was apt, since I believe it is Her Maj's favourite punk song. I appear to have been invited to a Royal Garden Party. Thinking fast, I said I would only go if my Mum wanted to go. Since, apparently "Scotland's too far to come and visit you now I'm 80, our Donna", I thought I would be safe. How wrong I was. Apparently, Scotland is now a mere sparrow's fart away. Her only worry is that she now has to find a fascinator. And now I, too, am left with the terrible dilemma of finding a fascinator that matches my Docs.

My Mum now has the other residents of the retirement community curtseying to her when they meet in the hallways. And then there's my poor Dad...I said to Mum that she needed photographic ID to get into the Palace, and no, that her pension book wasn't enough. "What about your passport?" I said.

"I think my passport's out of date since my ankles are too big to fly, these days," (don't ask).

I heard my Dad in the background "My passport's in the kitchen drawer."

"We don't care about your passport, Patrick," came the scathing response. "Who is it that's going to the Royal Garden Party?" Silence. "Who, Patrick, who?"

"You, dear."

"That's right. So, what don't we care about?"

"My passport, dear."

"Exactly."

I have created a monster. A monster who is now on the hunt for a fascinator.

Irvine Welsh's ECSTASY is screened in London on February 9th.

A review of Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION.

Ian Rankin's THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD on ABC Radio National. And Mr Rankin himself on his best story ever.

Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED has, apparently, sold 150,000 e-copies.

Alexander McCall Smith to appear at Scotland's most remote literary festival.

An interview with Michael Malone.

A set of first editions by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is discovered in a charity shop.

Denise Mina wonders if sentiment is the new taboo.

For my latest blog post over at Blasted Heath, the talented Smudge doctors a poster for Nightmare Alley to make me look almost attractive. Well, from the neck down, anyway.

Tomorrow, it's the last proper day of lectures on my course before I start on my placement, and then I'm off to Allan Guthrie's event at Strathclyde University before going out to dinner with lovely pals Tony Black, Michael Malone and Kieran G. I'm planning to get them drunk so they will tell me all their secrets. I will, of course, share those secrets with you, dear Reader.

I got a garbage brain, It's driving me insane...

Post title courtesy of The Cramps' Human Fly (which also happens to be the only thing I can play on the guitar).

Catch Russel McLean at Dundee University on October 28th, talking about Scottish crime fiction. And Alexander McCall Smith is in Norfolk on October 24th and in Bridport on 20th November. Russel is free, Alexander McCall Smith will set you back £15 and £12 respectively. It's official - Russel is chea..errr...very good value.

And there's lots of Scottish crime at the Reading Festival with Denise Mina, Stuart MacBride, M C Beaton and Quintin Jardine. Denise and Stuart will also be appearing at the Toronto International Festival of Authors, along with Ian Rankin. And the Vancouver Sun asks Denise Mina some questions.

How Ian Rankin infiltrated police college. And he tells the National Post that he's a frustrated musician and how he's awaiting the volleys for THE IMPOSSIBLE DEAD. And here he is, talking about Cromarty. I wonder whether he ever gets fed up of people asking him about anything and everything...maybe I should ask him.

Denise Mina's FIELD OF BLOOD actors up for Scottish BAFTAs. And, in other awards news, congratulations to Gordon Ferris whose THE HANGING SHED is up for the CWA's Ellis Peters Historical Award. And he's not Scottish, but huge congratulations to Declan Burke for his nomination for the Irish Book Awards.

Kate Atkinson on Jason Isaacs as Jackson Brodie. And a review of the show.

Conan Doyle's lost first novel is to be the highlight of the Portsmouth Literary Festival.

Peter May on his French award.

Irvine Welsh gets cut from his own film.

And now I am off for the best part of the week - a virtual creative writing class via Skype with a class of 4th and 5th graders in Alaska. The next best thing to being there. Today I'm giving them feedback on some brilliant and hilarious Halloween stories they've written.

Sunday Smatterings

Film viewing this weekend was a nicely nasty thriller called Night of The Sunflowers (La Noche De Los Girasoles). It's set in rural Spain and tells a story from six different perspectives. It looks at how one event can have a ripple effect that affects everyone. Really good stuff.

I went to the CWA lunch in Glasgow on Friday where much of the talk was of Scotland's first crime festival - Bloody Scotland in September 2012 - which is shaping up to be excellent.

Helen Fitzgerald was also there with this news, and other exciting stuff that cannot yet be spoken of.

Nice - The Willard Grant Conspiracy and Ian Rankin in Belfast on Friday 11th and Saturday 12th November. There should be more of this cross-fertilization between the arts. Now, give me a moment while I go and cross-fertilize with Black Rebel Motorcycle Club...

More Ian Rankin - an interview in The Scotsman. And I've said it before - he's one of the nicest men in crime fiction. (And he mentioned the wonderful Sonic Youth (one of my favourite tracks here) on The Review Show.

A new novel from Karen Campbell is due out in 2013. Not a crime novel, but she is such a brilliant writer that I will most definitely be reading it. Her writing is amazing. If you've never read any of her Glasgow-set police procedurals, do yourself a favour and get one.

Denise Mina will be at Houston's Murder By The Book on October 12th, and at Book Passage in Marin County on October 15th. And in Ottowa between 20th and 25th October, along with Ian Rankin.

More on the Philip Kerr Diana film (she says, rolling her eyes).

A review of Gordon Ferris' TRUTH, DARE, KILL, the Book Whisperer loved Val McDermid's THE TORMENT OF OTHERS. And Reader's Advisory enjoyed Kate Atkinson's CASE HISTORIES.

The NO REST FOR THE DEAD anthology, featuring Alexander McCall Smith amongst others.

Talking of no rest for the dead, I am the happy, happy possessor of three new books:
CHOKE HOLD by the lovely Christa Faust
THE OUTLAW ALBUM by Daniel Woodrell
HELL AND GONE by Duane Swierczynski
...and have no time to read them because of university stuff. I am absolutely loving my course, but haven't had time to read anything for fun, let alone write anything other than essays, for the last six weeks. And these three books are now sitting there, tantalising and tempting me with their gorgeousness. Still, if I have to have a temporary hiatus from reading gorgeous books, at least I can wear them. Can't wait until this arrives from the talented Miss Demeanour.

"Its fists are faster than its thoughts"

Greetings from chuffed and excited of Glasgow. I recently entered a competition run jointly by two fabulous sites - Pulp Press and For Books' Sake - who were looking for some pulp fiction short stories written by women. And I'm thrilled to say that my story DEPRAVITY LANE will be in their joint anthology coming out in November! I got carried away and entered a handful of stories, but this one is my homage to William Lindsay Gresham's NIGHTMARE ALLEY and is named after a song by Alien Sex Fiend. Now I need to think what to do with the other stories.

The lovely Bookwitch reports on an event with Karen Campbell.

Several reviews - first of all one of Denise Mina's THE DEAD HOUR, Crime Fiction Lover reviews Val McDermid's THE RETRIBUTION, A Penman's Manifesto looks at Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED, a short review of Louise Welsh's Edinburgh Book Festival event, and one of the Ian Rankin event and a review of the TV version of Denise Mina's FIELD OF BLOOD, which is being repeated on BBC Scotland.

A German review of Tony Black's GEOPFERT (which translates as SACRIFICED, but is actually PAYING FOR IT). I actually did better struggling to read it in German, rather than relying on the always entertaining Babelfish, which gave me the title of this post, as well as the incomprehensible "There an evenly discovered, pleasing-blowing feature would be lost to us in the crime film world also equivalent again. Thus, fingers away of too much whisky."

Alexander McCall Smith (possibly the world's most travelled crime fiction author) will be appearing at a festival in Bali in October.

Peter May's THE BLACK HOUSE is one of Richard and Judy's Book Club Autumn Reads (I'm really happy to see Megan Abbott's THE END OF EVERYTHING on the list).

The Edinburgh Book Festival ELSEWHERE short stories will be published in a four-volume collection. See here for the list of authors - which includes Karen Campbell, Denise Mina, Doug Johnstone and Louise Welsh.

Renaissance Man is on a roll with Ian Rankin. And John Hannah is set to play Rebus again, but this time in a spoof. Talking of Ian Rankin, he performed in a play to close the Edinburgh Book Festival, but says it will be a one-off.

A veritable plethora

The Drowning Machine with an excellent review of Allan Guthrie's TWO-WAY SPLIT. And Allan Guthrie interviews Nigel Bird over at Criminal-E.

Peter Rozovsky on comic crime fiction and why Chris Ewan's humour works.

Lots of crime fiction appearances coming up. First of all, Russel McLean is at Blackwell's in Edinburgh tonight, Ian Rankin is appearing at the Morley Literature Festival on October 13th, and Val McDermid will be at the Ilkley Literature Festival on October 2nd. Before that, Val's at Waterstone's Deansgate, Manchester on September 12th. And remember, if you're in Edinburgh tomorrow, you can take part in a world record attempt.

Savidge Reads reviews Val McDermid's TRICK OF THE DARK, The List on Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED, a review of Nicola Upson's Josephine Tey mystery, AN EXPERT IN MURDER, a reviewlet of Ray Banks' most excellent BEAST OF BURDEN, Criminal Element enjoys Catriona McPherson's DANDY GILVER AND THE PROPER TREATMENT OF BLOODSTAINS, and Murder By The Book looks at Chris Ewan's THE GOOD THIEF'S GUIDE TO PARIS.

A review of the stage version of Alexander McCall Smith's THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BERTIE and the print version of 44 SCOTLAND STREET: BERTIE PLAYS THE BLUES. And if you want to see where the 44 Scotland Street novels are set, you can do that very thing here. Finally, on the AMS front, you can listen to him being interviewed on Real Radio at the EBF.

An interesting interview with Gavin Knight about HOOD RAT covering crime fiction (I don't agree with all the points, needless to say), true crime, and feeling out of his depth in Glasgow.

A couple of reviews of the William McIlvanney event at the Edinburgh Book Festival where he takes a swipe at London publishers.

In another book festival event review - the careful Lin Anderson and the louche Tony Black. He is rather rakish.

And, finally, Scottish cow in freak ladder accident.

Just call me Fatty Acids for short

Apologies for the less than regular postings over the last few days. I'm back down at my Mum and Dad's at the moment. It's my Mum's 80th birthday this week, so I have come down to celebrate.

Today, we went to the bingo. Sadly, I didn't make out like a bandit this time. However, I did win a jar of Tesco Value Lemon Curd. That's saved me a whole 22p off my next week's shopping. Well, it would have done if I actually ate lemon curd. Somebody else won the packet of Strawberry Whip. I was gutted. That had my name written all over it (assuming I changed my name to Maltodextrin, Modified Potato Starch, Emulsifiers (Propane-1,2-diol Esters of Fatty Acids, Sunflower Lecithins) , Gelling Agents (Tetrasodium Diphosphate, Disodium Phosphate) which, by the way, I was totally prepared to do.

Anyway, on to the news.

Gillian Galbraith and Shirley McKay at the Inverness Book Festival on Thursday,

A great review of Chris Ewan's THE GOOD THIEF'S GUIDE TO VENICE, and the Deseret News calls it 'fun and entrancing'. Finally, an interview with the man himself over at Novel Rocket,

Ian Rankin is supporting the StreetSmart campaign, to help homelessness projects.

Breathing Fiction puts the spotlight on Denise Mina. And an article in the Daily Record on Gordon Ferris.

A review of Nicola Upson's third Josephine Tey novel, TWO FOR SORROW, one of Alexander McCall Smith's THE LOST ART OF GRATITUDE and a review for THE DOG WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD.

Lots of Irvine Welsh news: first a trailer for ECSTACY, an interview with Irvine Welsh about the film, and news on FILTH.

Caro Ramsay talks about Jack The Ripper, The Musical, amongst other things.

If you want to help set a world record, and you can be in Edinburgh on August 19th, here's your opportunity.

Move on, move on, no royal wedding to see here

The Stage reviews Alexander McCall Smith's opera, The New Statesman has an exclusive short story, and Seattle Pi reviews THE DOUBLE COMFORT SAFARI CLUB.

Metro Pulse reviews Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG.

The Encyclopaedia Britannica blog wishes Ian Rankin a happy birthday.

Congratulations to Val McDermid - to be honoured at the 23rd Lambda Literary Awards.

Russel McLean over at My Book, The Movie talking about THE LOST SISTER.

An interview with Gordon Ferris.

And, finally, a weekend treat - the new issue of Plots With Guns. I've only read one of the stories so far - Luke Nineteen Twenty-Seven. I came to the conclusion some time ago that Jimmy Callaway is a genius. Now I think Cameron Ashley is one too. Brilliant stuff. Have a lovely weekend, Dear Reader.

Cheerless, chippy, sozzled and tight-fisted? Us?

I hope you had a lovely weekend, Dear Reader. It's my last week of work this week - thanks again to all of you for your good wishes - I got on the Masters in Community Learning and Development course I wanted so, come September, I will be a student (pushing up the average age of the student population of Glasgow University quite considerably). I'm really looking forward to it, and to my placement at the wonderful Glasgow Women's Library, where I'm looking forward to becoming involved in all sorts of literacy and community projects. Before that, a few months to do some writing. I feel like the luckiest person in the world!

And now, on to the Scottish crime fiction round-up.

The Scotsman reviews Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG and Nigel over at Sea Minor enjoyed Doug Johnstone's SMOKEHEADS.

Talking of Doug Johnstone, he's talking about books over at Untitled Books.

Kate Atkinson appears on 3rd April at Book Passage in Corte Madera. And Helen Fitzgerald is appearing at the Ramshorn Theatre in Glasgow this Wednesday (interviewed by the aforementioned Doug Johnstone, I do believe). Wine and twisted filth is promised. Excellent.

Russel McLean with a really interesting post on becoming a writer over at Musings of An All Purpose Monkey and Elizabeth - the blog's host - loves THE LOST SISTER.

Ian Rankin on structuring a crime novel.

And, finally, the depiction of Scottish people on the big screen. "Unkempt attire, wild-eyed aspect and eccentric haircut"? I do believe that's how my mother usually greets me when I go down for a visit.

"I only went out for a loaf."

Just one film in this weekend's film viewing: from Park Chan-Wook, who also directed the wonderful OLDBOY, we watched SYMPATHY FOR MR VENGEANCE. It's a dark and disturbing hard-boiled thriller about a steelworker who cannot hear or speak and who is sacked from his job. With the help of his girlfriend, decides to kidnap his boss' daughter in order to pay for a new kidney for his sister. This is a lovely looking film (even the bits I couldn't watch because they were so gory), but I didn't find any of the characters particularly sympathetic because you don't get to know them that well. As a result, I wasn't emotionally involved. Well worth watching though (but not as good as OLDBOY, which I loved).

Helen Fitzgerald needs your help - she's looking for a new title for THE DEVIL'S STAIRCASE. And, talking of Helen, she's doing an event at the Ramshorn Theatre in Glasgow on Wednesday. If you're going along, I'll see you there.

Ian Rankin will be at the Poisoned Pen in Scottsdale, Arizona on March 22nd and Alexander McCall Smith will be appearing at the Seattle Public Library on 1st April.

Jay Stringer and Russel McLean in a podcast interview with Tony Black (who is apparently being interviewed inside a woolly sock).

Robert Louis Stevenson's abandoned first novel has been found, completed and is set to be published.

Eurocrime reviews Grant McKenzie's NO CRY FOR HELP, Bookpage reviews Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG and The Guardian reviews Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED.

And, finally, Stan Laurel's statue turns up after seven years. Brilliant.

Tartan Accents and Associated Randomness

Tony Black on Tartan Noir in The Scotsman.

Gordon Ferris' readers struggle with the accent. 'At's braw, ye ken? And, talking of accents, how about this (via the lovely Michael Malone). It reminds me of the first time I went to visit my friend Bobbie in Illinois and my luggage didn't arrive (as opposed to the second time I went to visit Bobbie in Illinois and my luggage didn't arrive). The nice lady at the Whoops, We've Misplaced Your Luggage place gave me a number to ring. It was an automated number. The nice robot asked me my surname.

"Moore", I said.

"I'm sorry, did you say HUANG?" said the automated voice.

"No, I said Moore" I said patiently.

"I'm sorry, did you say IRRGZ?" said the automated voice

"No, I said MOORE" I said.

Silence and a few clicks on the phone.The nice robot decided to try a different tack. "Please give your reference number."

"5 4 8 Z P O X" I said.

"I'm sorry, did you say 3 7 9 Q W A D?"

"No, I said 5 4 8 Z P O X."

"I'm sorry, did you say 6 1 2 N Y K L?"

I decided to try an American accent, to see if this would work. I was quite impressed with myself.

"I'm sorry, did you say your name was Scarlett O'Hara and that you were from Brooklyn?" said the voice, not sorry at all.

A review of Alex Gray's SLEEP LIKE THE DEAD. And the Nerd of Noir reviews CALIFORNIA by Ray Banks.

Philip Kerr will be appearing at the Boston Public Library on April 21st. And Gillian Galbraith will be doing a short library tour of Edinburgh (that's a short tour, not a short library). And, talking of tours, how about the Bookworm's Tour of Scotland? Hmmmmm, not much crime fiction there, methinks.

Margot Kinberg puts the spotlight rather splendidly on Ian Rankin's EXIT MUSIC.

Cinematic Sunday Round-Up

This weekend's film viewing was a real mixture. First of all, we saw a fast paced thriller called LONDON TO BRIGHTON which was excellent, if sometimes very uncomfortable viewing. A low key British thriller which has a prostitute and a young female runaway fleeing London for the safety of Brighton. The first scene has the young girl - her face tear-stained and make-up streaked - hiding out in a grubby public toilet, while the prostitute - one eye blackened a swollen - goes out onto the street to get some money for their train journey. Right from the start I knew this wasn't going to be easy viewing. And it wasn't. It was brutal, hard-hitting and pretty bloody grim, but not unrelentingly so. Good job we watched it at home, since I cried. The acting was excellent - particularly from the actress playing the runaway (Georgia Groome). If you do see the film, watch the outtakes - it lightens the mood and makes you remember it's just a film.

On Saturday it was off to the Glasgow Film Festival to see two films. The first of these was ATTENBERG - a Greek film from the same director as the weird and wonderful DOGTOOTH. It's about a naive young woman - Marina - who tries to make sense of the world around her by watching the animal documentaries of David Attenborough and listening to the band Suicide. She has one friend - Bella - who she practises kissing with, as well as spitting out of windows and doing weird walks. The only other characters are Marina's father, who's dying of cancer, and a man visiting the town who Marina drives around. I quite liked bits of it but there were a lot of scenes that seemed pointless and only there for padding. There was no real plot, and not enough other stuff to replace a plot, if that makes sense. It doesn't have enough soul. OK, but not as good as Dogtooth.

The second film was an altogether much more satisfying experience - a Danish film called NOTHING'S ALL BAD. Like Attenberg, it focuses on four main characters - each of them has their own problems, all of them have experienced pain and their wounds are raw - be they physical, psychological or emotional, all of them are lonely and isolated, and all of them have needs and desires. Their stories really draw you in, and none of them are as you expect. Funny, touching, sad, compelling, witty, understated. It's sometimes shocking, sometimes grim, sometimes hilarious - I really loved this film. Dad - it's not one for Mum. There's a fair bit of sex in it. In fact, you'd better not watch it either.

Onto the crime fiction news. Loads of reviews today. First of all, Publisher's Weekly review Gerald Hammond's ILLEGAL TENDER, oneregard enjoyed Kate Atkinson's STARTED EARLY, TOOK MY DOG and The Guardian liked Charles Cumming's THE TRINITY SIX, relishing the 'tweedy warmth of an old school spy thriller'

Peter May is getting lots of ink - both print and virtual. Lovereading reviews THE BLACKHOUSE, as does The Scotsman, while the LitWitch reviews BLOWBACK.

The Scotsman has an article on Gordon Ferris' THE HANGING SHED - apparently a Kindle hit. I downloaded it to my lovely new Kindle last week and am looking forward to reading it.

Join The Pelican Post for An Afternoon With Alexander McCall Smith on March 3rd. And Itchy Coo, publishers of Alexander McCall Smith's Scots language books, are to close.

Talking of events, I was gutted to discover that both Women On The Dark Side events at Aye Write, with Karen Campbell, Denise Mina, Caro Ramsay, Louise Welsh, Alice Thompson and Alex Gray are sold out. However, on the plus side, my friend Twenty-Seven and I have tickets for this event with Allan Guthrie, Denise Mina and Louise Welsh, and I'm hoping to go to this one with Doug Johnstone.