Monday, 22 June 2009

A-Z Killing Spree - Verses L to N

L is for Lionel an ex-Legionnaire
Who Left his Lovely wife Letty to begin an affair
With a Libidinous Lapdancer named Lola, from Leith,
Whose top half was Lithe but who was tubby beneath.
"Oh Lola, you're Luscious, but I hope you won't mind,
If I say you need Liposuction on your behind."
Well, Lola was Livid and quite Lachrymose
So she picked up a Lamp and Landed some blows
Then she chopped him in bits and stuffed them in a cushion
And used it to rest her Lovely Large tush on.

M is for Malcolm, who worked at the Met,
And fell in love with Miranda, a drum Majorette.
They met in a band, where he was playing Maracas
About each other they were totally crackers.
But as Marriage went on things began to go wrong,
All they had in common were Mahler and Mah Jong.
To bring back the Magic, they Moved to Malawi,
But Miranda said "We're just not compatible, are we?"
With Malice aforethought quite Machiavellian,
She seduced a young chemist, by the name of Trevelyan.
She made him procure her some Mercuric Chloride,
Which she put in some Mushrooms - stuffed, and deep fried,
Malcom's favourite dish, so she loaded his plate
And with Macabre relish watched poor Malc Masticate.

N is for Norman, from Loch Ness, a Ned
With a Nylon clad body, and empty space in his head,
Fell out of a window while escaping detection,
Not murder, just Darwinian Natural selection.